


some sanctuary here

by mollivanders



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Depression, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-29
Updated: 2012-04-29
Packaged: 2017-11-04 13:14:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/394266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mollivanders/pseuds/mollivanders
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wakes to the sound of the kettle whistling and turns to find Remus missing from his bed, the covers still warm. Sirius pulls them off the bed and drags them with him down the stairs – Moony hates when he does this – to the smell of fresh bacon and eggs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	some sanctuary here

**Author's Note:**

> Fandom: Harry Potter  
> Rating: PG-13  
> Characters: Remus/Sirius  
> Author's Note: Word Count - 942. Set mid-series. I've been defending Remus/Sirius as canon lately; that may have fed this a bit.  
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

He wakes to the sound of the kettle whistling and turns to find Remus missing from his bed, the covers still warm. Sirius pulls them off the bed and drags them with him down the stairs – Moony hates when he does this – to the smell of fresh bacon and eggs.

“You needn’t have come down,” Remus says, restrained reproach in his eyes as he takes in Sirius and the covers. “I was going to bring you breakfast in bed.”

“I’m here now,” Sirius says cheerfully, pushing his hair back and smirks to himself when he catches Remus staring.

(Some things never change.)

“Any plans today?” Sirius asks, taking the proffered plate of food and inhaling it. “You wanted to go flying, didn’t you?” Remus says. “But you hate flying,” Sirius replies, and Remus shrugs.

“It’s not so bad.”

(Others do.)

+

Sirius wakes with a jolt, the screams of the other prisoners pulling him fast from another dream. He’d transformed back in his sleep and his mind was already filling with his own worst nightmares.

_James. Lily. Remus._

Wormtail.

It was another stormy day, rain lashing through the bars on his cell, and the gruel and bread the wizard guard had left him was already soaked, but Sirius choked it down, and then tried to clear his mind for just a moment.

Just one moment.

+

“Tonight’s a full moon,” Sirius says as they tramp their way along the beach, broomsticks garnering strange looks from the Muggles. “Doesn’t seem like the weather for it, does it?”

“Not really,” Remus says lightly, stealing another glance at Sirius. “I brought the potion though.”

Sirius feels a twinge of guilt, nostalgia for the days on the grounds, but pushes it down.

“I’ll still stay with you,” he says, and Remus takes his hand, their fingers twining together as they come to a stop on the shore, free of Muggle onlookers.

“You always do,” Remus says – the sun hits Sirius straight in his eyes.

+

Sometimes, Sirius cannot change, cannot become the dog that is his sanctuary, and is forced to listen to all the worst rumors that filter through Azkaban. No visitors come for him, and he’s mostly lost track of time, but he still catches glimpses of the world outside.

He, for one, doesn’t believe for a moment Voldemort is gone, not from the way his followers scream in the night.

There is a Dementor that seems to favor him, that likes to stand outside his cell and rattle deep in its lungs as though it would like to Kiss him. When it takes a fancy to this, Sirius cannot fight off the memories, or how they wash over him, and eventually forgets that he is Sirius, a man.

(It is after nights like this that he wakes up as Padfoot, and does not remember how he changed.)

He does remember the dreams, the memories they can’t touch. That they can’t find.

+

By the time the sun has gone down, Padfoot is waiting at Remus’ feet, quiet and patient while his friend tries to fall asleep, to lose consciousness before the transformation. It does not stop him from waking during the transformation, but he does not remember it afterward. 

And after the transformation, while the wolf snuffles through its own dark dreams, Padfoot treads closer in the darkness. The wolf smells him and starts in its sleep – but Padfoot slides to the floor and rests a paw across Moony’s paw, waits for the morning.

+

(The worst part is, the other Death Eaters believe he served Voldemort too.

If they can believe it, Sirius thinks, of course Remus does.

Part of him still hopes not. More of him hopes Remus does believe, so he will never find this terrible place.)

Fudge, Sirius thinks, was mad to visit. His hollow eyes focus on the _Prophet_ article and thinks he is missing something important (so important).

The Dementor rattles close again, pauses, but when Sirius curls back in his corner, it moves on.

Another victim tonight, then.

As Padfoot falls asleep, the _Prophet_ article lies tucked in his paws, disturbing his dreams.

(He’ll know it come morning.)

+

“You really are the worst bed hog,” Remus says the next night, as Sirius clambers in next to Remus, scattering the other man's carefully laid out notes.

“You shouldn’t be working in bed, Moony,” Sirius says cheekily, though Remus still looks wan and tired from the night before. A new streak of grey runs its way through his hair, and Sirius can’t stop himself from running his fingers through it, pushing it back until it mixes with the brown.

“Can’t stop it forever,” Remus says, eyes still on his work and Sirius laughs, leans closer to rest his chin on Remus’ shoulder and spy on his work.

“I can try,” Sirius says and Remus smiles and puts his work away. “Alright, you win,” he says, and pushes Sirius back in the pillows, kisses him gently – then not – as his knee slides between Sirius’ legs, pushing them apart. A soft growl escapes Sirius’ throat and his hands tug at Moony's shirt, pulling it off to trail his mouth past the hollow of Moony's throat, marking a trail as Remus tugs at Sirius' clothes.

“It’s always worth the effort,” Sirius says, a breathy laugh slipping out, when Remus suddenly stops, looking like he's forgotten something important.

“You have work to do, Padfoot,” Remus says with worry, and the worry echoes in Sirius’ mind.

(He’s at Hogwarts.)

“I will,” Sirius replies. “Promise,” he adds, and Remus brushes the hair back from Sirius' face, leans down to kiss him again.

“Promise.”

_Finis_


End file.
